Transforming Relationships with Monster in Me

I am a strong believer that art can support healing, especially when trauma can make expression and communication hard to do. I work a lot with children that have anxiety, depression, anger and have gone through a lot of traumas. Going to school and not being able to share their situation, they tend to shut down and their social circle gets smaller. Then going home and not being heard, because their parents don’t believe them, or are going through similar trauma and cannot mentally be there for their child, leaves them feeling disconnected and alone. 

I just attended the training and plan to use art as a way to get to know the children and invite them to talk freely so I can see what is going on and support them. It feels less invasive than just sitting down asking questions. 

I have already started using the AWBW projects and I’m feeling very positive about the results. I work with a family with a deaf mom and two kids, one is a 9-year-old boy and the other is a 6-year-old boy. The older boy has been living with his gramma in another state since last summer and just recently returned back. He has been struggling with anger issues like getting mad at his younger brother, even hitting him at times. Mom is beside herself and feeling very defeated.

I had him come in and we discussed what was going on. Most of the anger stems from his brother so excited that his big brother is finally home that he will not leave him alone, constantly wanting him to play with him and annoying him when he is busy. We talked about the changes that both of them are going through and how his environment has changed as well. “So, what do you do when he annoys you?” I asked, and he shared “Well, I try to be nice the 1st time and then maybe the second time but the next 3rd, 4th and 5th times I just madder and madder until I just hit him.”

What a perfect time to introduce the Monster in Me! We sat down and did the Monster in Me worksheet and what great language that I would not have used before…”What does your Monster need?” He said that he needs some peace and quiet sometimes. There is nowhere to be by himself. They live in a small 2-bedroom apartment. Once we figured out what he needed then instead of focusing on the “no hitting” we were able to focus on what he needed so that he didn’t hit. He drew a picture of his monster and symbols of what he needed.

We came up with getting him bunk beds so that he could use the top bunk and it could be a place that his little brother could not come up. It was his place to go when he needed to do his breathing exercises like we did before we did Monster in Me activity, a place he could read or draw without being interrupted. He mentioned being scared of the dark as well, so we made the beds into bunk beds, (mom didn’t even realize they do that) I gave him some fairy lights and a shelf he could put some of his things on and the hitting has not happened since. When his anger happens, he has a tool now to calm down and a place to go to do it. He thinks his bed is cool now and he likes it. 

I got them a game that they both can play together that is not too babyish for big brother and not too hard for little brother. Oh, and I had the same talk with little brother, and we made his monster, we talked about he needed to give his brother some space and if he did he could take time to play with him but if he needed some time to be by himself he needed to respect that, because doing that would help him not to get so mad. Of course, most of the discussion was that he wanted to top bunk, but I told him that was for big brothers for now LOL! 

As I continue as an AWBW Facilitator, I plan to use AWBW workshops in many ways. 

In addition to the 1:1 work, I will also use AWBW at my summer camps. I will try to pick lighter, more fun art projects for my camper kiddos or use a modified version to keep it light but at the same time promote healing.

I plan to use AWBW as part of our once-a-month Family Night. I started Family Night because I use to have art classes for the kids and the kids were so excited and proud to show their moms what they made but the parents seemed not as excited or present as the kids hoped. So, I invited them all to Family Night, so they could work as a family unit to create something together.

I would love to do some short art projects at the start of our staff meetings when we get together in person. We are all dealing with vicarious trauma ourselves and I think it would be good for us.

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A Window Between Worlds (AWBW) supports hundreds of art workshop facilitators across the country to incorporate creative expression into their work with trauma survivors. These Windows Facilitators serve 40,000 adults, teens, and children each year. Through these stories, we invite you to explore and share their journeys toward transformation and healing.

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